SUPERFIC
by RK Ryune
Summary: One enraged author, two crossovers, three hapless bishonen, four fangirls, and 25 overused cliches. RKR has written a parody. Tattari Mokke High will never be the same again.
1. Out of our world, into theirs

Believe it or not kids, I was a fan of Inuyasha way back when adult swim was still the Toonami Midnight Run. (god, I miss Toonami being daily…)

Most of the people who were here when I first joined have either left or atrophied, their glorious work buried under the massive pile of newcomers who saw Inuyasha one night on AS and went "OMG! Puppy Ears!" Now, this is exactly what I did the first time I saw Inuyasha, but I didn't feel compelled to go out and write fanfiction immediately.

After a year-long hiatus, I come back to find that, instead of being able to find amazing stories every time I logged on, I must now trudge through many, many, MANY stories to find one that is even passable. IN addition, as someone who has followed the series all the way up to the current manga chapter, it annoys me to no end that OOC-ness is RAMPANT.

Before whipping out the seppuku knife, one must first consider why.

Inuyasha is an amazing show. I love it to death. But the reason I'm consistently angered by fan fiction is that there seems to be several conceptions about the show… most of which are WRONG.

So I've identified the 25 most popular fan fiction ideas. Taking a cue from the amazing Blahsblah 2001, I am going to parody them mercilessly. I'm gonna mash them all together to make the most hilarious Inuyasha fan fiction… EVER.

And if you're getting all huffy and thinking, "Uh! What a bitch! How dare she think she's better than us just because she can read the manga!" I have two bits of advice. West of Tokyo and Ear Tweak both have extensive archives of the manga. You can read it yourself. Second… get a life. Inuyasha is just a cartoon. And fan fiction is just a website.

And with that said… I bring you…

SUPERFIC

Enjoy! RKR

Superfic

I'm slowly remembering why I hate truth-or-dare. My friends, being the unbelievable perverts that they are, always give me dirty dares. And I don't dare venture a truth, because those are even worse. And it's my turn.

"Okay, Rei. You picked dare. You gotta… um…" Sakura blinked her green eyes, looking around the room and trying to think of something to do. "You gotta make out with this plushie for 1 minute!" She held up a horrifically chibified Inuyasha and wiggled it in front of my nose.

"… Sakura, that's the dumbest dare you have ever given me. Now give me the espresso beans, its 3 am and we are going to bed."

"… but…"

"Shoko and Hez are already asleep. I'm about to get there myself. Bed."

She pouted, then her face brightened. "Okay, but first…" with a quick glance around, she leaned closer to me, brown pigtails framing her face. " We gotta try it."

I probably paled visibly. "No. We are not doing anything else with any kind of sexual overtones!"

"Not THAT, Rei! You know…"

Oh. That. The alternate reality thing.

A few days ago, Shoko had stumbled across a website that had "proof" of multiverse theory, and even listed a way to jump into another reality. It sounded cool, but always the late-night stick-in-the-mud, I was balking.

"PLEASE, Ryune? I'll let you have Yuki…"

That did it. Even though all four of us were 19, we still fought over bishounen like schoolgirls. Yuki Sohma was too great a prize to refuse some pandimensional tinkering. I nodded, sitting silently while Sakura rallied Shoko and Hez from the depths of slumber. After she explained what we were gonna do, the two of them brightened, and got ready.

"Okay, but we have to decided on a universe to head into."

Like there was much debate. All four of us, being rabid Inuyasha fans, knew exactly where we wanted to go.

Using the rough model that had been given on the site, Sakura used some odds and ends to form a makeshift reality-bending device.

"But we don't know what that universe's serial number is. Or if it even exists!" protested Hez, always the logical one.

Maybe it was the late hour, or maybe the 20 espresso-beans' worth of caffeine coursing through our veins, but somehow running a Google search on "Inuyasha" and allowing that to take us where it may seemed like a good idea.

There was a steady whir as the machine started up, a blinding flash of light as it locked onto the other world, and an implosive "bamf" as the four of us left our world and found ourselves once again in my room.

"That was… anticlimactic" mumbled Shoko, dusting herself off.

Sakura's face fell. "Well, it was worth a try."

We all sat around dejectedly, trying to let the adrenaline run off, and soon felt our eyelids getting droopy.

I was nearing the edge of dreamland when Shoko's voice rocketed through the room. "Rei!" she hollered, jumping up. "If this is your room, where are your posters!"

She had a point. The various anime posters (including the nice Sesshomaru cut-out I had stolen from a Walden Books display for the third movie), my pride and joy, were gone. All of them.

The door banged open. An angry red-haired girl stood in the doorway. "Keep it down!" she snarled. "The rest of us are sleeping!"

Now this came as a shock to me. My sister, who does have red hair, hasn't lived with the family for three years. But this girl was not my sister. When she turned on her heel and slammed the door, there was a brief flash of white fluff.

There was a long pause, as the cold, harsh truth dawned on us. We hadn't gotten into Inuyasha. Nor were we still in my room.

In our stupidity, we had gotten stuck in an Inuyasha fan fiction.

And apparently, I was supposed to be Ayame's sister.

Hez summed it up nicely for all of us: "Well… crap."

RKRKRKRKR

TWO DOWN, 23 to go!

I shall give rewards to those that follow and keep track of what I parody. If you can tell me at the conclusion of this story, I shall give you something much to your liking.


	2. The Mall anything but the mall

Ahhh… the wonders of procrastination. As a note, the four main characters are me and my friends. This is being told from my POV. My name is Rei, my best friend is Sakura, and Shoko and Hez are two of my other friends. FYI, OCSI is one of the things I'm parodying.

Here is chapter two.

SUPERFIC

Thinking that it was all just a bad dream, the four of us decided that four am was late enough and that we should at least try sleeping. Amazingly, I was the first one out.

The first thing I noticed upon my return to consciousness was a tingling sensation in my rear end. Usually, that kind of pain only originated when I had been playing too many videogames, but I was lying on my side.

"Kyaa! It's so soft!" I heard Sakura cooing behind me. There was then a sharp pain and I sat up with a yelp.

"What are you doing to me?" I hollered, my brain still a bit fuzzy from sleep. Then I realized that something was amiss. True, it was Hez, Shoko and Sakura seated before me, but they all looked different somehow…

_Let's see: Sakura has green eyes, brown hair and fox ears._

_Hez has red eyes and stripes on her face._

_Shoko has some kind of weird fishy-dragon ear things._

_Nothing to big to worry about and OHMYGOD!_

I scooted back, and almost tripped on something that was nested under my leg. Picking it up to examine it, I realized why my butt had been hurting when I woke up.

Sakura had been playing with my tail.

Oh god, I had a tail.

Sakura leapt across my sleeping bag and glomped me. "Rei's a _yorozoku_!" she cried joyfully. Well, if Ayame was supposed to be my sister, then it did make sense. But how come we hadn't changed when we first arrived?

Again, Sakura started to tweak my tail. I fixed her with a glare. "Stop that." She blushed, then put it down and inched over to Shoko.

We got dressed, headed downstairs for some lunch, and decided to venture out into this new world. Of course, we didn't even think about the consequences of being absent from our own dimension.

Then again, there was nothing to worry about. By entering this dimension, we had forced our counterparts into our dimension. I can only imagine the surprise they felt upon waking up and finding themselves human. But that's a different story.

Once outside, we stood around for a minute, trying to decide where to go.

"Well," ventured Shoko, "since we're in a fanfic universe, we might as well go to the mall."

"Shoko, that is the most clichéd event ever," Hez mumbled, rubbing her eyes groggily.

"Any better ideas?" she retorted.

So it was decided. The mall. In an unexplainable twist of fate, we knew exactly where to go, and it was only a five minute walk away from "my" very boring suburban house.

And in all truth, this mall was identical to every other mall I've been to.

So, being otaku geeks, we decided to hit up Hot Topic.

Once inside, we found a massive Invader Zim merchandise display. So far, so good. And for other reasons we were unsure of, our purses were loaded with money.

Invader Zim + Fangirls + Money fun, fun times.

As we were combing over the t-shirts to see if there was any other kind of anime merchandise, we felt the presence of someone behind us.

"Excuse me, ladies? Can I help you?" spoke a very smooth, male voice.

We turned around and were greeted by a black-haired clerk with thick-frame glasses. He was dressed in a tight black-and-purple shirt, with black pants and black converse shoes. His right arm was loaded, almost up to the elbow, with black and purple (and a few blue) wrist bands.

Sakura, who was on the other side of the rack looking over some cute lacey tank tops, paled and put her face in her hands. "Oh god, Emo Miroku…" she mumbled, almost inaudibly.

Miroku the Hot Topic sales clerk leaned in a little closer. "You know," he began, "we have a sale on thongs today…"

Suddenly, a black platform boot flew across the store and hit him in the head. "PERVERT!" screamed a voice we all recognized. Our heads whipped to the left and saw Sango and Kagome.

Well, very out-of-character Sango and Kagome.

Sango was dressed in a white tank top and loose jeans. There was a chain or two, but most noticeable was her bag. If that thing had one more punk rock button or patch on it, I do believe it would have been given a life on its own, speak with a fake British accent, and attempt to grow a Mohawk.

Sango's hair had also been streaked pink, and around her neck was a studded collar. Her arms were also covered in bracelets and wrist bands, but not to the degree as Miroku.

Obviously, the boot had come from Kagome. Kagome, in this situation, was a goth. Or rather, a recently converted _Gosurori_… Gothic Lolita. She honestly looked like she had taken an entire bolt of grey lace and then wrapped it around herself. That, and she looked dead, from what I attributed to make-up.

Now, I have friends who are punk and _Gosurori_, but… Sango and Kagome?

Apparently, the three I was with felt the same way. "Gah…" mumbled Hez as we left. "Too many bad stereotypes!"

"It burns…" agreed Shoko. "Maybe we'll have better luck in the food court?"

There were four nods, and we headed for the food court. But on our way there, we had to pass the dreaded Abercrombie and Fitch.

As we walked past, Sakura's pace slowed, and then stopped altogether.

Hez turned around. "Come on, you don't really want to go in THERE, do you?"

Sakura's only reply was a dreamy incoherent babble. Figuring there must be something in there worth looking at, we went to her side and stared at what she was staring at.

Abercrombie model. Sexy pose. Shirtless. Sesshomaru.

Well, at least fate didn't hate us entirely.

RKRKRKRKRKR

Yes! A chance to express my rage a stereotypes and bad fanfiction! All in one go!

Okay, you know the drill.

Purple button. You. Friends. Give it some LOVE.


	3. Crappish Hell!

Time for a Don Kannonji Laugh!

BO-HAHAHAHAHAHH!

ahem

Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. But I've only begun this piece of horror known as SUPERFIC. Oh yes, so much more…

SUPERFIC

"Well, that was unpleasant," remarked Shoko, returning from the Wacdonalds counter with food for us all. "Seems that Kikyo works there, and she's just plain mean."

"But… Kikyo isn't supposed to be mean…" I mumbled quietly, picking up my burger and tearing into it like a voracious wolf. Well, I guess I WOULD tear into it like that.

"Hey, were stuck in a fanfiction universe, remember?" grumbled Hez, picking up her fries and munching quietly.

Sakura was quiet for a period of time, then mumbled "is that Jakotsu making out with Bankotsu over there by the carousel?"

All of our heads snapped in the direction she was staring, and sure enough, there they were, going at it.

"Well, it KIND OF is a canon pairing…" I said, staring at my half-devoured hamburger.

"It's still weird to see it in PUBLIC," snapped Shoko, the frills on her head standing up like some sort of weird halo.

"Well, I'm weirded out enough for one day," said Hez, breaking the awkward silence. "Let's go back to your house, Rei. I'm kind of scared to go to mine."

"Me too," added Sakura.

"Me three," said Shoko.

I sighed inwardly. I really didn't want to go home and face the fact that I was supposed to be sisters with Ayame.

But five minutes later we were on my porch, while I fished around in my purse for the keys. I found them, and opened the door.

Kouga and Ayame were on the couch, making out, oblivious to the world.

_Wow, Kouga's here! Wait. Ayame is my sister. And their making out must mean he's her boyfriend. Or married. Which makes Kouga my brother-in-l…_

"OH CRAPPISH HELL!" I shouted, startling the two on the couch. They immediately blushed, and Ayame fixed me a glare.

"Rei. Upstairs. Now," she growled, the look in her eyes promising a quick death if I didn't comply.

"Well, I feel like I've shaved 30 years off my life," panted Shoko once we were back in my room.

"As much of a shipper I am of Kouga and Ayame, seeing it in real-time wasn't on my priorities list," muttered Sakura.

"I didn't need to see that," grunted Hez.

"Crappish hell," I grumbled, still disgusted by the fact that I still had the fangirl-hots for Kouga after that.

We settled on the floor. "Okay," started Sakura. "We've seen a bunch of bad clichés. There's gotta be a limit, right?"

"Well," added Shoko, "there's Celebrity Sesshomaru, who'll probably show up in real life soon." She ticked off the clichés on her fingers. "There's bad high-school stereotype Sango, Miroku and Kagome."

"And probably Inuyasha," interjected Hez.

"Right. We're in a modern setting, so there's probably a badly named high school. Kikyo is really mean. We're all youkai OC characters. Am I leaving anything out?"

"We're tied to main characters somehow?" I put in.

"That too."

Just then, Sakura's phone began to chirp in her purse. She scrambled over to it, and answered it.

There was a pause, and she then asked who she was speaking to.

Another pause, but this time, all the blood drained from her face.

"O… okay, I'll be home soon." She hung up, then turned to face us. "That was my brother. Kurama."

Another, very long, pause.

"And it's a Yu Yu Hakusho crossover." Shoko finished the list.

"Crappish hell," Hez and I said at the same time.

SUPERFIC

The phrase "Crappish Hell" was taken from Kuro at www. ear-tweak. com. I do not own crappish hell, she does. Kuro is awesome. Give her lots of love.

Give the purple review button some lovin', while you're at it.


	4. The evil named Marisu

Well, I do fell a tad unloved. I thought this would attract more attention. Oh well. In a sea of clones, the original has a tough time standing out, I guess.

Heh heh… the real Sakura (my best friend Amai Kitsune) had quite the fit when she read that Kurama was supposed to be her brother.

What can I say? I'm evil like that.

SUPERFIC

Inexplicably, my friends and I had been returned to the bowels of hell – in other words, we were back in high school. Proud students of Tatari Mokke High, that was us. Ignoring the fact that every student was Japanese (save my friends and I), the high school was about as American as they come.

Really, I didn't see Shoko, Hez or Sakura until 3rd period, chemistry. I DID see _gosurori_ Kagome in geometry. (I sat through that class once, why OH WHY did I have to endure it again?) I also saw Hojo.

Imagine my surprise when he rounded the corner, hollering "Rei!" and waving. I recognized him immediately – not as Hojo, but as my boyfriend Toffer. Remembering the jokes we had made earlier that month about Toffer looking like Hojo, it sort of made sense.

He stood there, smiling, while I tried to wrap my brain around the cosmic laws that were currently being violated. If we were in some sort of Yasha-verse, as AU as it might be,that would mean the boy in front of me was Hojo. Yet standing before me was a pan-dimensional twin of MY boyfriend.

A loud "Hey, Hojo!" confirmed my first guess, but when Toffojo leaned down and landed a small peck on my cheek (and shoved a case of tangerines in my arms) before running off, the dimensional-twin theory was also confirmed. I sat down hard. My brain hurt.

I filled in my friends during 3rd period Chemistry. They each had their own tales to tell, but before they could, Ms. Takahashi cleared her throat.

"Class" she began, "today we have a new student. Please welcome Marisu Nekohime!"

A girl with sapphire blue eyes and long, silken, raven-black hair entered the room in a cloud of glitter (for added effect).

"Konnichiwa!" she lilted with a voice like rippling water. "Namae-wa Nekohime Marisuu desu! Douzou yoroshiku!"

Hez's face smashed into the top of her desk. "I think God hates us," Shoko grumbled, expressing the feelings of us all.

True to character (or out-of-character), every male in the room was practically drooling over Marisu.

Behind us, Jakotsu purred "I think I'm in love…"

Now such a phrase wouldn't normally raise an eyebrow – but this is Jakotsu we're talking about. Who HATES women.

Either that, or she was secretly a man.

Regardless, Marisu had to be stopped. Soon.

This whole nightmare of a fanfiction had to be stopped.

Suddenly, another student barged into the classroom, panting. "Sorry I'm late," he grumbled, planting himself directly in front of us. His white hair grazed against the red back of his hoodie.

Ms. Takahashi smiled. "Glad you even made it at all today, Inuyasha."

SUPERFIC

_Short chapter, I know, but I'll make up for it. The next chapter'll be longer, I promise._

AFTERNOTE

Shoko passed a slip of paper to me under her elbow.

She was making a list.

BAD CLICHES:

Bad high school stereotype AU fiction

Yuyu Hakusho crossover

Youkai OC characters

Self-insertion

Mary-sues

Non-canon pairings

out-of-character characters

truth or dare

"I get the feeling that more are coming" she had written at the bottom.

Oh. Super.


	5. A small fragment of reality

Ahh, all the suggestitons I've gotten. Thank you all, I don't know if I will use them or not (I had this pretty much planned out all the way before I started – rare for me, I know,) but I'll give you credit if I do.

SUPERFIC

So Inuyasha finally made his way into this sad excuse for fanfiction. I was afraid to even breach the subject of talking to him, and my friends seemed to be of the same persuasion. But, for some reason, the normally antisocial Inuyasha turned around and began talking to us.

"Hi, I'm Inuyasha. I've lived here my entire life, but I'm new to this school. I'm in a band with Kagome Higurashi, and we're punks! I'm also on the football team. I hate cheerleaders, but I used to date one. Her name was Kikyou. She's a nerd now. My older brother is a jerk, he used to beat me up when he got drunk. His name is Sesshomaru, and he's a model/idol/politician/doctor/actor/famous singer/talk show host! Now if you'll excuse me, it's 11 am and it's time for me to be Emo about how I'm a hanyou and no one loves me because I'm neither human nor demon. DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

And he turned around abruptly, whipped out a guitar (remember, this is the middle of third period chemistry) and started singing, in a whiney emo voice, that, for some reason, was suitable.

_Half-breed, that's what they call me…_

_My brother's a jerk, _

_And my ex-girlfriend wants to kill me_

_They saaaaaaay…_

Here the acoustic guitar magically transformed into an electric, with pedals and amps and… just about everything you need to rock. Inuyasha stood on top of his desk.

_That I'm nothing special,_

_Well I, I don't need you!_

_I'm my own man_

_I'll show the world!_

_My life sucks_

_My life sucks_

_My life sucks…_

And then, to the complete and utter bafflement of no one but the four of us, Inuyasha broke out into a punk-emo-rock version of "Change the World." In Japanese.

We all said silent prayers of thanks when the bell rang three minutes later. It was lunch time.

"After third period?" asked Shoko, puzzled.

"I stopped wondering after breakfast this morning," grumbled Sakura. "This universe isn't SUPPOSED to make sense."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Hez.

"My little brother," she grumbled.

"Sakura-nee-chan!" a voice bubbled over the crowding lines. We saw a short redhead and a golden ball of poof bobbling through the crowd.

"Is that… Shippo?" I squeaked, my voice cracking.

Sure enough, the little kitsune was stuck in this hell too. Except he was supposed to be a freshman. But he was the same size. Okay, maybe he was a little bigger, but STILL.

He glomped her about the waist. "I'm gonna go sit with Kagome and her friends, okay?"

"Uh yeah, sure…" and with that, the little fox tottered away and plonked himself down next to high school versions of Rin, Kohaku and Kanna.

"Wow… first that bit about Kurama, and now Shippo. I feel bad for you," Hez mumbled, staring dumbly at the scene in front of her.

"Eh… dame desu yo." I mumbled, putting a hand to my forehead. My friends all stared at me.

"Uh, Rei? You're the only one of us that actually knows Japanese," Shoko chided.

"Eh? Nihongo o hanasanai. Eigo o hanasu. Nani o iu?"

"Crap," grumbled Hez, "she's stuck speaking Japanese. And, per bad fanfiction rules, we wont' get any kind of translation until the end of the chapter.

"God knows when that'll be," affirmed Sakura.

"Nihongo o hanashi-tai-jaa arimasen!" I wailed, distraught by all that was going on.

Just then, a loud commanding voice rang through the crowd. "Move!" it commanded, and several bodies went flying through the air.

It was Kagura. A very, very pissed-off Kagura. Dressed exactly like she was in the show.

"You four," she pointed at us with her fan. "Come with me."

We obliged, relieved to see some semblance of in-characterness, as out of place as she might be.

Once we were in a semi-isolated area, she whirled around to face us. "You have GOT to get me out of here. This is way worse than anything Naraku could have done to me when I was alive!"

There was a pregnant pause, until Sakura finally spoke up. "You mean, you're dead? Like, Naraku gave you back your heart, but it was filled with miasma so you flew away to a field and started dying, but then Sesshomaru came along and you were able to die happy because you saw him one last time, and then became the free wind?"

Kagura blinked. "I have no idea how you know that, but yes."

Shoko spoke up next. "So, we're like, in anime hell?" Four pairs of eyes bore into her. "Right, how stupid of me. I'll stop stating the obvious now."

"Ano… ano…" I stammered.

"What's wrong with her?" Kagura asked, nodding towards me.

"Atashi?" I asked, pointing at myself.

"She's stuck speaking Japanese that no one but her understands," offered Sakura.

The wind sorceress snorted. "At least she's not stuck using bad grammar, or worse, 1337. Try talking like that for three months and see how you feel."

"Sankagetsu!" I shrieked.

SUERFIC

Hez: Rei, don't talk until the end of the ch- WHOA, where the hell are we now?

Shoko:… the school disappeared.

Kagura: Yeah, this happens randomly.

_Yahou! Hi minna! Another chapter finished! You know what to do!_

Rei: Holy crap, disembodied voice! Hide m- hey, I can speak English again!

Sakura: Rei, I think the disembodied voice is the author.

…

…

Rei: **YOU!** YOU ARE GONNA PAY!

_Anymoo, I'm glad everyone likes this fic! What'll happen in the next chapter, ne? Oooh, I get to torture the characters some more! Hee hee hee! I'm so evul!_

Shoko: I think she's ignoring us.

Hez: Figures.

_Japanese words:_

_Dame desu yo: that's bad_

_Nihongo hanasanai: I'm not speaking Japanese_

_Eigo hanashu: I'm speaking enlgihs_

_Nihongo hanashi-tai-jaa arimasen: I don't' wanna speak Japanese._

Rei: Wow, at least my Japanese was grammatically correct.

Kagura: Think about where we are for a minute.

Rei: Oh, right.


	6. Why me? Why us?

This chapter is dedicated to Patches.

SUPERFIC

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I hate my alarm.

So, the following morning, it was with malice and hate that I smashed the snooze button as hard as I could. Sunlight was streaming into my room, making me one unhappy camper. I am so not a morning person.

I reached up to scratch some of the sleep-dust out of my eye, and almost gouged it out.

My fingernails were not that long last night. Cracking an eye open, I examined my hand. Okay, scratch that. Last night, I had normal fingernails. This morning I had claws?

Well, Sakura wasn't joking when she said this universe wasn't supposed to make sense, that was certain.

Scratching my head (and taking care to not give myself lacerations) it dawned on me that my room had changed, AGAIN. Same basic layout, yes, but my bed was facing North instead of east. I could tell by the sunlight streaming in.

If I were a morning person, I would have been more prepared to see Inupapa standing in my doorway. He probably noted my slack-jawed stare, and raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm almost POSITIVE I didn't have a daughter yesterday. Or ever."

(Current state of Rei's brain: not functioning. Running morning wake up routine. Wake up failed. Situation does not compute)

A confused, half-asleep "huh?" was all I could manage.

Then I noticed it. My hair was not its usual brown color.

White. Oh god, not white. Oh no, oh no, oh nonononoooo…

"I'M A SISTER SUE!" I wailed leaping out of bed and staring at my reflection. Yup. White hair, doggy ears, fangs, the whole bit. To my relief, my eyes were still the same pale hazel they've always been, but it wasn't much of a comfort to suddenly find myself related, not only to Inuyasha, but Inupapa and Sesshomaru as well. I flopped down on the floor.

Inupapa came over and sat beside me. "You know, I should have told Housenki to not take the shard into the afterlife with him. I had the sinking suspicion having the boys trample all over my grave a second time would do this."

I looked at him sidelong. He was not making sense.

"What I mean is, when Youkai die, they go to the afterlife. If they can't rest peacefully, they're condemned to roam the fanfiction universes until they can rest. So… I'm stuck here. Which, wasn't too bad until the authors caught up."

"Wait, so… you're the real Inupapa? From the show?" I gasped, relieved. Well, as relieved as one can be upon discovering that she has incestuous feelings for her "family."

"Show?" he puzzled, glaring at me.

"Uh, in my universe, your story, Inuyasha's, Sesshomaru's… it's a TV show."

He nodded. "And I take it you don't belong here either?"

I shook my head furiously. "I was supposed to be a Yorozoku yesterday, and I'm none too pleased to be…"

"A sister-sue?" he finished.

"Yeah."

Inupapa stood. "Well, I'm willing to keep up appearances, if you are. Izayoi and Inuyasha are eating breakfast, see you in a few minutes." He began to exit, but I called after him.

"Inupapa? What's your name? There's been a ton of speculation, but no one knows for sure. Mind telling me?"

"Sure, its (AN: HAHAHAHAH! I'm so mean! I'm not telling yuo lusres what it is!1 LOL desu ne)"

"Wow, a family name, huh?"

"Yeah, it was my grandfather's name. I'm leaving now, get dressed."

At breakfast, sure enough, Izayoi was cooking and Inuyasha was cramming pancakes in his mouth as fast as he could. I sat down across the table from him and grabbed some bacon. If there was one thing being some form of canine was doing for me, it was reminding me how much I love bacon. And boy howdy, I love bacon.

"Oh, dear, Sesshomaru just called. He says he's coming to visit tomorrow!" Izayoi beamed from by the sink.

Inuyasha spit his orange juice out (and onto me, I noted with distaste) and shouted "HELL no! Sesshomaru is always such a jerk when he comes over! I'm not going to cater to that jerk again!" He whirled to face me, as I was stifling a giggle. "What's gotten into you? Don't you remember what he did last time he was here?"

Actually, I didn't. Cramming more bacon into my mouth (hot damn, I love bacon!) I mumbled something incoherent.

Inupapa stood abruptly and cleared his throat. "Kids, off to school with you. Rei, you're driving today."

"What?" Inuyasha snapped. "She ALWAYS drives!"

"That's because she's older," Izayoi added.

"Yeah, by five minutes," Inuyasha retorted. Oh god, not only was I a sister-sue, I was a TWIN sister-sue.

I grabbed the car keys, and when Inuyasha had his back turned, I looked over at Inupapa and made slicing gestures across my throat. "Kill me," I mouthed. He gave me a sympathetic look, and ushered us out the door.

Shoko, Hez, and Sakura were waiting for me when I arrived. "Er, Rei? Was that Inuyasha in the car with you?"

"Oh noes, Rei's now a sister-sue," Sakura immediately added, before I could reply.

"Really? What clued you in? The hair? The claws? The ears?" The minute it was out of my mouth, I regretted mentioning my ears. Without warning, all three of my friends were on top of me, trying to tweak them.

"Hey, hey! Get—agh—off me!" I swatted their hands away. "Besides," I huffed. "Sakura has ears too. Why aren't you playing with hers?"

There was a long pause.

Then a loud shout. "KAGOME!"

Figuring that we had nothing better to do, we rushed in the direction of that shout.

And there she was. Kagome, in all her gosurori glory. Except she had sprouted a tail. And cat ears. And had a weird birthmark on her leg. Her hair was a strange mix of white, purple, green and black. Her eyes glowed with yellow and blue light.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha breathed, excited. "You're a hanyou, too! We're perfect for each other! Come on, let's mate right now! I gotta mark you!" And then they dove to the floor and started going at it.

"Oh JEEBUS!" Hez screeched. "We're in the middle of the freaking HIGH SCHOOL! Can't you at least find a janitor's closet or something!"

Apparently the four of us were the only ones in the crowded hallway that noticed the two hanyou on the floor… mating…

"I am now scarred for life," Shoko puffed as we ran into the gym to escape the madness.

"I will never read another lemon, as long as I live," Sakura added, pale.

"That had to be way worse than Kouga and Ayame," Hez agreed.

The three of them looked at me when I didn't respond. Instead, I was staring rapt at the ceiling.

"Um, Rei? Are you feeling all right?" Shoko asked, concerned.

"Betsey…" was my only reply, as I pointed a clawed hand towards the rafters.

The others followed my gaze to see what was making me so happy.

Betsey, my beloved Betsey the Fanfiction Flamthrower, was suspended from the rafters.

SUPERFIC


	7. Words Don't Even Cover It

Everyone

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there who feels this way!

This is for those who are still reading my stories, two years after I first made my mark on FFN. Thanks for sticking with me, you know who you are!

SUPERFIC

The four girls sat in my bedroom (my REAL one, with the posters) and panicked. Full-out, freaking-out panicked.

"H-human!" stammered one, shaking brown pigtails out of her eyes, and feeling her round, pink ears.

"CRAPPISH HELL!" screamed another, pointing at a large Inuyasha poster on the wall. "That's… THAT'S KOUGA!"

"Why is he wearing a miniskirt?" asked a third, narrowing her once-red eyes.

"Who cares, so long as we never have to see it. Right, Rei?" said the fourth, turning to the second.

"Damn straight!"

-:-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-

Using my newfound hanyou leg strength, I prepared a huge jump to try and retrieve Betsey from the rafters. Betsey, the Fanfiction Flamethrower. Oh, Betsey was our ticket out of here, for sure!

I jumped, and was surprised even at myself as I rocketed through the air. Six feet… five feet… four…

And when I was two feet away, Betsey vanished before my eyes. I face-faulted midair, and crashed into the floor.

"Someone is going to PAY," hissed Hez, red eyes glowing angrily. A sibilant hiss began to come from her throat, and the rest of us backed away. Hez… well, Hez could be really, REALLY scary if she wanted to be.

"K… kowaii…" gasped Shoko, before I smacked her upside the head with a notebook.

"NO. No more random Japanese."

Shoko grumbled something as she moved to the other side of Sakura, rubbing her head.

And then I felt IT. Something was inside my body moving my limbs when I hadn't given any commands.

I walked over to the door, all the while screaming inside my head that I hadn't told my legs to move.

"Hey guys, there's something behind this door!" I said. Wait, I hadn't said that! Yes, the words came out of my mouth, but I hadn't thought them beforehand!

"Ooh, really?" squeaked Hez, running over. I looked at her. She was furious, and I knew why. If there are two things Hez never does, it's squeak or run. There was also the small glimmer of panic in her eyes, suggesting that the forces of Out-of-Character were now acting upon us.

"A button!" yelled Sakura, her eyes wide with panic, also obviously not in control of her body. "Push it, Rei! Push it!"

And without warning, my hand zoomed towards the button. Every fiber of my being screamed "BAD IDEA! BAD IDEA!" but I was powerless. The button was pushed, and in a blinding flash of light IT vanished, and was replaced with a much, MUCH greater sense of "ohcrapwhatnow."

"I should not have to do this. Never. Three body switches in one day is too much, and I **know** that's what just happened because I've read too much fanfiction." I was grumbling to myself again, but I really didn't care at this point. I knew I was gonna have to force my eyes open to see what the damage was, but I wasn't ready. So I thought I'd listen to myself talk some more, or see how the others were doing.

"Shoko? Sakura? Hez? What's the damage?" I called.

"Haven't opened my eyes, don't really know!" came the reply from who I guessed was Sakura, but she sounded different.

Really different.

"Are you okay, Sakura?" I called back, but my voice sounded weird too. It wasn't resonating in my ears and chest correctly. It was too deep.

Shi-i-i-i-i-t…

Sure enough, when I reached a hand up to examine my chest, Left and Right simply weren't there.

All that OOC torture just to put us in a gender-bender. Yeah, Author from Hell was going to DIE once I got out of here. And the death would be long, slow and involve lots and lots of pointy objects. And I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

"Whadd'ya mean am I okay? Rei, you sound like you swallowed a bucket of nails!"

"Sakura! I'm not sick! We're in a gender bender!"

There was a pause as that information sunk in, then a loud "SHIT!" from Hez. She sounded remarkably like herself.

Then Shoko spoke. And believe me, when I say Shoko, I mean that as a guy, she had a really, REALLY deep voice. "Um, this isn't a gender bender, everyone."

And at that point I decided to open my eyes.

And let me tell you, all the dirty words in the universe couldn't possibly begin to cover the sight that greeted me.

(AN: OOH! CLIFFIE! HAHAA!

**Enter Rei the Yorozoku (in the guise of Rei the human): **Like hell it is!

AN: Never mind)

The first opening of my eyes wasn't too bad. I was already mentally prepared (well, as well as one can be for finding she's magically switched sexes in under a minute) for the flat expanse that greeted me. The black hair in my eyes didn't surprise me too much either (though I did wonder if my hair was ever going to return to its normal brown). Even the bulge in my pants didn't disturb me all that much (we'd cross that bridge when we got there, I thought with a shudder).

Thinking everything wasn't as bad as it could be, I raised my eyes to see what my girlfriends-turned-guyfriends looked like.

And I almost fell over.

Oooh, Shoko hadn't lied when she said this wasn't a gender bender, no siree. Because sitting in front of me were Miroku, Jakotsu and Suikotsu.

There were startled stammerings somewhere along the lines of "fugubbahguh.. (point) … gubbagagghuh…(more pointing)" from all four of us. Apparently, being the veteran fanfic users we were, we'd all been afraid to open our eyes. Hey, blinding flashes are DANGEROUS STUFF! Can you blame us?

Finally, Miroku managed to squeak out, "Who am I right now?"

Playing "match-the-voice", I guessed this was Sakura. "Sakura?" I asked, blinking. Miroku nodded, the black ponytail bobbing up and down.

Suikotsu and Jakotsu, along with me, held up their hands in a pacifying manner. "Whatever you do, DON'T PANIC," Suikotsu offered. Ah, this must be Shoko. The deep voice just didn't fit, for some reason.

"Just tell me who I am!" Sakura in Miroku's body shouted, grabbing Shoko in Suikotsu's body by the collar of her… his… damnit, this was confusing… shirt.

Avoiding her eyes, I stammered out "Miroku" and duck-and-covered for the violent reaction we all were expecting. Sakura had been mad enough to discover her brother was Kurama, but being stuck in the body of her favorite bishie of all time was going to scar her (and the rest of us) for life.

Instead she sat there for a moment, horrified, then laughed. "It could be worse!" she said between chuckles. "I could be Renkotsu!"

"Actually, that might be more fitting," said Jakotsu, who, by process of elimination, had to be Hez. "I mean, since the rest of us are Shichinintai members."

That one stopped me. Rest of us? That meant I had to be…

When the gears started turning in my head again, the truth dawned on me. Black hair that seemed pretty long, still the shortest in my group, and the good build could only mean one thing.

I was in Bankotsu's body.

And then my sanity fell apart.

SUPERFIC

_I **hate** body-switch stories. Always have, and the idea of switching bodies with someone else freaks me out. REALLY freaks me out._

_I'm doing this for you._

_So allow me to disclaim this: I never, ever would chose to switch bodies with one of the Inuyasha characters. NEVER. If I wanted personal, intimate time with their bodies vicariously through fan fiction, I'd write hot, steamy lemons. Not body-swtichers._

_Don't worry, this is still an Inuyasha story. And yes, I'm going to end it soon. Just wait for the next chapter._


End file.
